Let’s All Go to the Lobby…
Let’s All Go to the Lobby… and Get Ourselves a Drink!
Some films are so bad they’re good. Some films benefit from a little liquid encouragement. Some people seek out such entertainment. We are such people, and we’re willing to share our discoveries with you.
Please remember to drink responsibly.
At the Earth’s Core(1976)
At the Earth’s Core is a Victorian adventure film based on the science fiction novel of the same name written by Edgar Rice Burroughs (of John Carter and Tarzan fame). I suppose it could be called steampunk, but the steam-tech is primarily employed to get our heroes to the subterranean world of Pellucidar, and, aside from a little social revolution, there’s precious little punk. Still, this should be a hoot for the top hat and pocket watch crowd or anyone else who likes pulpy adventure.
Peter Cushing (Grand Moff Tarkin in Star Wars) is Dr. Abner Perry, the inventor of the “high calibration digging machine,” or “iron mole” as it’s nicknamed. We come into the film on the day of its inaugural “burrow.” Perry intends to dig through the heart of a Welsh hill and demonstrate the effectiveness of his device. Doc is a bit of a scatterbrain, but he has his moments of trademark English bravado and derring-do, making this a very unusual role for the normally stoic and sometimes sinister Cushing.
Doug McClure (The Land That Time Forgot) joins Dr. Perry as David Innes, an American financier and son of one of Perry’s best students. David, on the other hand, was amongst the worst, but Doc still sees plenty of promise in “young” David. David’s a Victorian-era meathead, but he’s got guts, and guts is enough.
Caroline Munro (The Golden Voyage of Sinbad, Captain Kronos – Vampire Hunter) is Princess Dia, because every Edgar Rice Burroughs story requires a princess and who better than the nubile Munro. Dia is one of the first inhabitants of Pellucidar that Doc and David meet, and she provides both exposition and motivation to our heroes.
In order to prepare for our voyage, you must first “ante up.”
Ante: A shot of Fireball cinnamon whiskey or alternatively, Firefly sweet tea vodka, or some other fire-themed liqueur. Harder lemonades or tea liqueurs would also be appropriate to the Victorian theme.
Now, once the feature has begun, pick your poison (beer, hard lemonade, etc.).
These are the few simple rules you must obey:
- Rule # 1: Drink to new acquaintances whenever a named character is introduced.
- Rule # 2: Any time a named cast member dies, drink to their memory.
- Rule # 3: Drink for courage any time a rubber monster enters the scene for the first time.
- Rule # 4: Drink to victory any time a rubber monster is vanquished.
- Rule # 5: Every time you see a Mahar blink, then you must take a drink.
“What the deuce is a Mahar?” you ask. Patience, old sport. All will be revealed in time.
I recommend a 15-minute intermission about halfway through for cigars (a David Innes vice), restroom breaks, water (hangover-proofing), snacks, etc. Appropriate snacks include hot wings, smoked turkey legs, or, for vegetarians, seven layer bean dip. In any case, I do NOT recommend drinking additional alcohol during intermission.
Viewers will typically consume 35 oz.
(3 bottles at 1/2 oz. per drink, 12 oz. per bottle)
of alcoholic beverage if all rules are obeyed.
Running Time: 89 min. (+15 min. intermission)
If you want to check your work or just live vicariously through others, click the link
(“iron mole”) below for the official At the Earth’s Core scorecard: